Joseph Parker Okay — I’m a Believer by Smash Mouth

YOU’VE HEARD THE SONG BUT HAVEN’T HEARD THE SONG IN SUCH A LONG TIME / IF ANY 1 WERE LIKE “HEY YOU KNOW THAT I’M A BELIEVER SONG BY SMASH MOUTH ??” / YOU’D BE ALL “I DON’T THINK SO” AND THEY’D BE “NO WAY BRO” AND YOU’D BE / CONFUSED / LIKE WHY DOES THIS PERSON CARE / BUT YOU’D BE POLITE / SAY “I D K MAYBE IF I HEARD IT I’D RECOGNIZE IT” / AND THEY’D NOD IDK WHY / THEN PROBABLY SOME AWKWARD SILENCE / BC NO 1 PULLED OUT THEIR IPHONE / SWIPED TO YOUTUBE APP / AND THUMBED 5 WORDS / SRY ABT CAPS LOCK THING / CAT SLEPT ON KEYBOARD NOW CAN’T TAKE THEM OFF / HONESTLY THIS PERSON ONLY NEEDS TO SAY 6 OBVIOUS WORDS AND YOU’D GO “O DUH !!!!!!!!!” / THEN THEY’D NOD THEIR HEAD AND THAT AWKWARD SILENCE THING AGAIN / AS U BOTH REALIZE YOU JUST WASTED ANY AMOUNT OF TIME / TALKING ABT SMASH MOUTH / LIKE NOT EVEN IRONICALLY THAT’S TRULY RARE / TITE JUST LEARNED SPELLCHECK WORKS ON WORDS IN ALL CAPS / JUST ASSUMED IT WOULDN’T I DK WHY / BUT SO YEAH THOSE WORDS YR FRIEND OR WHOEVR IS GONNA SAY TAKE A GUESS: / “IT’S ON THE GODDAMN SHREK SOUNDTRACK” / THAT SENTENCE WOULD STILL BE ALL CAPS EVEN IF MY KEYBOARD WASN’T BEING WEIRD / SO THEN YOU’D BE PICTURING DONKEY SINGING THE WORDS IN THAT WEDDING SCENE TOWARD THE END / WITH ALL THOSE FAIRY TALE PPL / AND YOU’D SMILE / FEEL WEIRD HAPPY BC THINKING OF WHAT 2001 WAS LIKE / AND HOW GREAT BEING 10 OR WHATEVER WAS / BC YOU DIDN’T KNOW YET YOU’D GO THROUGH A MAJORITY OF YR LIFE CONSTANTLY BETWEEN LESS-THAN-MODERATE AND MORE-THAN-MODERATE STATES OF BEING VERY NOT HAPPY / INTERRUPTED ONLY SOMETIMES BY BRIEF MOMENTS OF FEELING PRETTY ALL RIGHT / W OUT REALIZING IT THIS SONG SETS THE TONE FOR WHAT U FIND OUT IN 10 ISH YEARS / IT’S AS CLOSE AS MADE-FOR-RADIO MUSIC COMES TO TELLING WORDLY TRUTHS /IT’S WHAT PEOPLE WHO DON’T REGULARLY LISTEN TO SAD MUSIC WOULD LABEL: / “SAD MUSIC” / AND SO OBVS THERES NO LEGITIMATE REASON FOR ANY 1 TO LISTEN / TO I’M A BELIEVER BY SMASH MOUTH / UNLESS YOU’RE WATCHING SHREK / TBH CAN’T REALLY SKIP OVER THAT PART / IT’S KEY TO CONCLUSION OF THE STORY / WITHOUT THAT SCENE WATCHING THE MOVIE WOULD BASICALLY BE AS POINTLESS AS LISTENING / TO I’M A BELIEVER BY SMASH MOUTH


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Joseph Parker Okay lives in Tucson with his best friend/cat. He’s an editor of Spy Kids Review. He tweets @verysoftlake.